Did I Hear Her Correctly?

You’ve had it happen to you. You said something as clearly as you knew how and the other person responded in a way that indicated  that s/he heard another thing entirely. To demonstrate how difficult communicating can be, read the following sentence and determine what it means:

“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.”

Simple enough to understand, isn’t it? Maybe not. Watch what happens to the meaning when you change emphasis from one word to another. Read each of the following statements aloud emphasizing the word that is bolded, italicized, and underlined. As you do, note how the implication of the sentence changes.

“I didn’t hear him shout at his wife.” (Suggesting that it wasn’t me that heard it. My knowledge is secondhand.)

“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that I believe he yelled at his wife but I didn’t personally hear it. Therefore, I’m telling you what I think, not what I know.)

“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Implying that I did hear someone shout at his wife, but it wasn’t him.)

“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Suggesting that I heard him communicate something to his wife but that he wasn’t yelling.)

“I didn’t hear him yell at his wife.” (Suggesting that I heard him shouting, but not at his wife and maybe even to someone else’s wife.)

One simple sentence of few words, but altering the emphasis gives it at least six possible meanings. No wonder our world of text messages and emails causes so much confusion. Even face-to-face conversation fails when either the speaker or hearer misses or misconstrues the emphasis of specific words.

What’s the lesson?

Communication takes place only when the hearer receives the same thought that the speaker sends. Most of the time, we don’t take time to make sure that happens. However, in matters of importance or possible emotional reaction, it is wise for the speaker to sincerely ask the hearer to feed back the message received. Also, when a message heard seems odd, uncomfortable, or troubling, it is wise for the hearer to repeat what he or she understood to make sure that the intended message was the one received. This is obviously true for marriages or for singles in relationships.

In short, pay attention, don’t react to what the Other person might have said, and take the time to make sure that both are understanding the same thing.

© Joe Beam. Joe is President of LovePath International, an organization that provides marriage help to troubled couples through a powerful marriage seminar that saves marriages from separation or divorce.

May 28, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized 

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